I have been doing a lot of soul searching this past year. A lot. Part of my weight loss journey has made me face lots of things about myself. Things that I am not proud of. But, what's past is past, and I shouldn't dwell on it. Here are a few thoughts.
How did I get here? When I go to the Weight Watchers meetings, I hear lots of stories. Most of them are from women who have been heavy their entire life. As a child and then growing into a woman. Not me. I was skinny as a teenager. Tiny. Of course, I didn't see it that way as a teenager. I weighed 115 pounds when I got married.
So when did I get fat? You don't just wake up one day and you are fat. I can't put my finger on exactly when it happened. Clothes get tighter and you just go buy more. Slowly, you don't want to look in the mirror. You don't want your picture taken. You just don't look.
I have cheated myself out of so much the past 28 years. I can say that now. I wish I would have had someone to tell me that then. I look at my scrapbooks. There are pictures of everyone else but me. I mean someone had to take the pictures, right? Fact is, I didn't want to see myself. It might have made me do something about it. But, I have been unfair to my family. Someday, when I am gone, my girls are going to ask why there are no pictures of mom.
So, I don't know when I decided to open my eyes and look. Look at myself and decide it was time to do something. My journey is far from over. I have worked hard for over a year to reach my goal weight. Only to find that it is scary. Really, scarier than losing weight. Everyday is a struggle. I hope I continue to have the strength to keep it off!